“Whatever I do, it is never good enough.”
Self-criticism and perfectionism
A critical inner voice that never goes quiet, fear of mistakes, unfinished work. Without lowering your standards, we work on treating yourself more fairly.
High standards are not a problem in themselves; many people do good work because of them. The trouble starts when standards cannot bend and a person’s worth depends only on performance. Then success does not bring relief, just a short pause before the next goal.
In cognitive behavioural therapy we make the rules of perfectionism and their cost visible. In schema therapy we approach the critical inner voice as a “mode”: usually a voice that once tried to protect you but now harms you.
The aim is not to make you less hard-working; it is for you to be able to talk to yourself kindly when you make a mistake.
What you may notice
- Downplaying successes and magnifying mistakes
- Not being able to hand in work because it is “not quite right”
- A cycle of procrastination and last-minute rushes
- Intense sensitivity to criticism
- Feeling guilty even when resting
Who is it for?
- People noticing that their high standards exhaust them
- Those who feel academic or work life always demands “more”
- Those much harsher with themselves than with others
- Those wanting to understand the fear behind procrastination
Self-criticism and perfectionism: how we work
The source of the voice
We try to understand when and from whom the critical voice was learned and what it tries to protect you from.
Standards and their cost
We write down your rules and together work out what each one costs you.
Behavioural experiments
We leave a task “good enough” and observe what happens.
A compassionate view
With experiential techniques we practise looking at your mistakes as you would at a friend’s.
Other areas of work
- Anxiety and constant worryI can’t switch off the “what ifs” in my head.
- Panic attacksWhy does my heart start racing out of nowhere?
- Depression and low moodNothing I used to enjoy gives me pleasure any more.
- Relationship patternsWhy do I keep ending up in the same kind of relationship?
- Work stress and burnoutMy stomach knots up on Sunday evenings.